IT'S NOT LIKE THE MOVIES

What the New York City Dating Scene is Really Like–And How to Navigate it.

New York City. The lights, glitz and glamour, and of course–the steaming hot romance. Thanks to shows like Sex and the City, people have the notion that this is the best place for dating, and with a population of over eight million people, one might expect to find a new soulmate around every street corner.

If you're new here, or are discouraged to find you aren't living up to the NYC dating scene a la Carrie Bradshaw– don’t fret. Despite what you’ve seen in movies or TV, New York can be a laborious place to find love, but having a better idea of what to expect and how to maneuver your way around it will give you an advantage. Here’s some things you should know.

All the Options

The sheer volume of singles in New York (1.5 million to be exact) can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. Solely based on numbers–the odds are in your favor. But with so many people out there and an abundance of different dating apps like Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder, one could argue there is such a thing as too many options.

There is a lot of quantity, but like the fast pace of the city, many people don’t want to bide time for quality–and dating sites have furthered his mindset. If you’re not a fan of one person, there are thousands of others right at your fingertips. While this is freeing for some, it can often lead to short term connections and eventual ghosting.

Instead of throwing yourself into the sea of eligible singles, consider getting involved in social and community events around your city.

It can also be far easier to strike up a conversation when you’re gathered around a shared interest. “It wasn’t until I put myself out there that I actually met someone relatable,” says Emily, a 20 year old student. “I joined a kickboxing club in my area and met the greatest guy. We’ve been dating for six months now.”

Charity events, sport clubs, and community interest groups are a great way to make genuine connections and narrow down your search.

Location Location Location

Ah–interborough dating. Remember that episode of Friends where Ross is choosing between dating a girl in Manhattan and a girl in Poughkeepsie? Nobody’s saying it’s impossible, but labeling or being labeled “geographically undesirable” is a common occurrence in the Big Apple.

According to a 2021 survey from Rent.com a full 25 percent of New Yorkers say they would not travel to another borough to date someone.

“I dated this guy last year from Staten Island for about three months,” says Sara Aguilar, a 21 year old student living in Manhattan. “The commute was over an hour, and he always wanted me to be the one to make the trip.”

Even if your potential beau is “only three subway transfers” away, keeping up with appearances can be difficult and time consuming, especially if you already have a packed schedule.

Sara suggests narrowing your playing down field to your own comfort zone. “You don’t have to search so far out of your way to find your special someone.” Think of it this way, you’re more likely to meet your soulmate on your Manhattan morning subway commute than in the depths of Staten Island.

If you're a dating app user, a quick tip is to narrow down your desired location to just one or two square miles. Even with a small radius, your app is bound to show thousands of singles in closer proximity to you.

Know What You Want…And Find a Good Place To Say It.

According to Pew Research, nearly half of Americans say that dating is harder than it was ten years ago. Some of the biggest reasons for this include increased risk–physical and emotional–partly brought on by technology. These factors easily cause a sense of detachment before the first date even commences.

Whether you’re looking to explore the dating scene casually or decide it's a more serious relationship you’re after, it’s important to let your intentions be known as soon as possible to avoid miscommunication. “If you have certain traditional values, you should know that you need to attract someone similar,” says Emily.

The key to finding someone in New York is opening up–Getting to know the other person and allowing them to get to know you. “I’ve been on so many dates where it’s impossible to make genuine conversation with all the distractions”

City bars, restaurants, and coffee shops can be loud places to have an ice breaking conversation. Consider a Friday date night at the MET or a stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge as a more personable alternative.

So is dating completely hopeless in this crazy city? No. While dating in New York offers perhaps the most interesting experience you’ll ever have, knowing what to look for and how to navigate can promise you’ll find what you’re looking for eventually. Who knows—act one of your very own rom com could be right around the corner.